The pain you avoid today may become the suffering you lead through tomorrow

I have developed a habit of listening to podcasts while I work out. There is something about being physically occupied that makes me listen differently. Sometimes an entire episode passes while I am counting repetitions, walking on the treadmill, or convincing myself to do one more set.

During a recent workout, I was listening to Trevor Noah's conversation with Eugene Khoza on What Now? Their conversation covered many things, but the way they spoke about pain and suffering caught my attention.

They used a simple example that felt particularly relevant while I was at the gym. Exercise can be painful. Your muscles protest. Your body gets tired. You deliberately put yourself through discomfort because you understand what consistently avoiding it could eventually cost you.

They also spoke about migration in nature. Animals migrate when conditions change because remaining where they are may eventually threaten their survival. Moving comes with discomfort, uncertainty, and risk, but staying can carry an even greater cost.

Later, I started thinking about how often the same choice shows up in leadership: we avoid something uncomfortable today, even when we know that avoiding it may create something much harder to deal with tomorrow. It reminded me of a line from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist: “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

What discomfort are you avoiding today?

Leadership constantly puts us in situations where doing what is necessary comes with some level of discomfort.

Think about the feedback you know you need to give. You anticipate that the conversation will be uncomfortable. The person may become defensive. You worry about damaging the relationship. So you postpone it. For a while, postponing feels easier.

The performance issue remains. Other team members notice. Frustration builds. Standards become unclear. What could have been one difficult conversation gradually becomes a much bigger leadership problem.

The discomfort was postponed; the consequences were not.

The same pattern can show up in many areas of leadership.

You hold onto responsibilities because delegation initially feels slower than doing things yourself. Eventually, you have a team that cannot function effectively without you. You keep saying yes because disappointing people is uncomfortable. Your calendar becomes overloaded, priorities begin competing with one another, and the people you said yes to are no longer receiving your best.

You keep a brilliant but destructive high performer because confronting their behaviour, or potentially losing their contribution, feels too costly. Months later, trust across the team has deteriorated.

You delay restructuring because you know what the change may mean for people, roles and livelihoods. Meanwhile, the organization continues growing inside structures it has already outgrown.

You continue investing in a strategy that is clearly not producing the expected results because changing direction requires you to acknowledge that something you backed did not work. More money, time, and credibility are lost while you wait.

You see the numbers moving in the wrong direction, but responding may require closing a business line, reducing costs, reallocating capital, or reversing an expansion you once championed. Employees, shareholders, customers, and your own credibility may be affected. Waiting protects you from making the decision today. It may also expose the organization to far greater financial and reputational consequences later.

You know that a senior executive who has contributed significantly to the organization is no longer the right leader for where the organization is going. History, loyalty and personal relationships make the decision difficult. So the organization continues adapting itself around a leadership gap that everyone can see but no one wants to address.

Avoidance has a cost. We simply do not always receive the invoice immediately.

Leadership continues beyond the office

The same leader making difficult decisions about people, strategy, capital and organizational performance also goes home to relationships, children, families and communities. The decisions there can demand just as much courage.

You know there is a truth you need to discuss with your spouse or partner, but you keep avoiding the conversation because you know what it could uncover. You know your relationship is struggling, but acknowledging how serious things have become could require counselling, major changes in how you live together, separation or, in some circumstances, ending the relationship.

Your child is struggling with destructive behaviour, and getting them the support they need may require an intervention that is painful for both of you. Protecting them from the immediate consequences of their choices can feel like love while allowing a much deeper problem to continue.

An adult child repeatedly makes choices whose consequences you continue financing. Withdrawing financial support or other privileges may feel harsh, particularly when you have the means to keep providing them. Continuing to protect them from every consequence may also prevent them from taking responsibility for their own life.

Your family or community has expectations of your time, money, availability, or influence that you can no longer sustainably carry. Setting boundaries may disappoint people you love and may even change how they perceive you. Avoiding those boundaries can slowly create resentment, exhaustion, and relationships built around obligation rather than genuine connection.

There are also times when the difficult decision is about ourselves. Seeking therapy. Admitting that we need help. Changing a lifestyle that is damaging our health. Walking away from a relationship or environment we have outgrown. Acknowledging that the image of a successful life we have worked hard to maintain no longer reflects the life we actually want.

These may not appear on a strategic plan or executive scorecard, but they shape the person who eventually walks back into the boardroom. Leadership does not happen in compartments.

The courage to face discomfort before it becomes suffering

Leadership maturity requires more than knowing what needs to happen. It also requires the capacity to remain present when acting on what we know is uncomfortable.

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort.” — Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

There are moments when we are clear about what needs to happen. What makes action difficult is knowing what it may require from us. An admission.

A boundary.

A difficult conversation.

A decision that will disappoint someone.

The willingness to let go of something we have invested in.

The courage to acknowledge that what worked before no longer works now.

Pain is not a leadership achievement

Leadership culture can sometimes glorify suffering. We celebrate the leader who barely sleeps. The entrepreneur who works constantly. The executive who carries everything. The person who can withstand enormous pressure without appearing affected. Over time, discomfort itself can begin to look like evidence of commitment. It is not. Choosing the harder path simply because it is harder does not make someone a better leader. What matters is what that discomfort is making possible. A difficult conversation that creates clarity has a purpose. Working yourself into exhaustion to demonstrate commitment does not automatically create better leadership.

Ending something that no longer serves you or the organization may be painful. Remaining in constant crisis because struggle has become part of how you understand leadership serves no one. Healthy leadership does not require us to seek pain. It requires enough courage and self-awareness to recognize when avoiding necessary discomfort is beginning to shape our decisions.

What could your avoidance eventually cost?

Not every difficult situation requires immediate action. Leadership also requires timing, patience, and discernment. But giving something the time it genuinely needs is different from repeatedly postponing it because facing it feels uncomfortable.

So look at the places where you already know something needs attention. What are you protecting yourself from experiencing right now? Who else may already be paying the price for your avoidance? If nothing changes for another six months, what could this situation become?

Some discomfort protects something that matters.

What discomfort are you postponing today, and what could that postponement eventually cost you?